Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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