You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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