Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
high people should be assigned attendants
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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