man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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