i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
