She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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