i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
