Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
