what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
