She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
