tell your sister to shave her snatch
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
