You're my little dorito
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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