It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
