we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
