you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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