Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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