he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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