Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
