I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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