it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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