so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
