Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
