At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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