I got chris browned last night
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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