My nipple is on Facebook.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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