Non-Jews are for practice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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