I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
there is glitter all over my balls
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