I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
