I'm so fucking centered right now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
