I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
