i think my tv is drunk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
