Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
