the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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