Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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