Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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