This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
