U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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