i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
