that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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