I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
