I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You ate ashes out of my bong
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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