Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
