My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
