Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
