had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
