yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
