There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
