Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
