Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
