I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
