Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
