So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
