Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
