Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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