she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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