Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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