watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
