Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
