I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
